Budding medalists wishing to remain welcome guests at Olympian Rhapsody, the only Karaoke Bar located within the walls of London’s Olympic Village, will from now on have to pick something other than ‘One Moment In Time’ to sing, it has been learned this morning.
Effective immediately, the bar’s Management has declared a Moratorium on the well known sports-inspired Whitney Houston power ballad, citing among other reasons “unspeakable over-indulgence” from the Azerbaijan Wrestling squad at several evening sessions since their arrival.
“Of course they weren’t the only ones“, explained shift supervisor James Toland.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that at least one member of every national team has attempted the song, which famously requires outstanding technical vocal ability in order to passably reproduce.
“High Performance athletes typically aren’t a group of people you’d expect to be looking to sing something edgy”, he went on.
“They’re generally too busy with training, nutrition and recovery to be genuinely concerned about what’s happening in the charts, you know?”
The move purposely comes on the day of the Games’ official Opening Ceremony.
“Hey, don’t get me wrong, full respect. ‘Moment’ is a tough one to do right, no question. Although if you’ve ever heard somebody singing it unironically, then you don’t need to imagine what a hyped-up, adrenalin-pumped middle distance runner is going to do with it. In a karaoke bar. In the Olympic Village. On the night before everything kicks off. Surrounded by his competitors.”
“Probably wearing his team tracksuit too”, he added.
“And maybe not as good at singing as he is at running the 800 meters.”
Toland said he could understand, up to a point, why most of his customers were requesting to sing something that they knew inside out, and also something that they were aware their audience would be very familiar with.
“Of course you don’t want to go too far off the beaten track. But look, we have a songbook here with over twelve thousand titles, and we don’t think it’s asking the world of these people to get out of their comfort zones for three and a half minutes. We have that Shakira song from the World Cup, for example. ‘Bad Romance’ too.
“Not a single athlete or team physio has asked to do that one yet.”
Other songs included on the Sorry-We-Don’t-Have-It-List at Olympian Rhapsody include ‘Eye Of The Tiger’, ‘My Way’, ‘Ironic’, ‘Zombie’ and according to Toland ” …anything that is, or sounds like it is, a National Anthem”.
They are also henceforth strictly enforcing a Three-Drinks-Minimum policy, said Toland .
“Per Athlete, not per Team, by the way. And that’s Drink drinks. There aren’t going to be any more Seven-Ups cut with mineral water around here unless it’s under six hours before a final you’ve made.”