Following an arbitration award decision filed last Friday, eight-time Tour de France podium finisher Lance Armstrong has announced he hopes to pay a $10 million fraud penalty with help from popular Crowdfunding platform, Kickstarter.
“I suppose Lance is really excited”, he said.
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A report has shown that Mayo people are by far the most likely in the Republic to live to be a hundred years old or more, followed by their Roscommon and Sligo neighbours.
County Carlow finds itself at the other end of the scale, having boasted just one centenarian among its pension drawing population over the past 4 years. What do you think?
“Yeah, but we can probably expect those numbers to take a sharp drop as soon as Mayo get around to winning an All-Ireland.”
(Brendan Duggan, pet groomer)
“You know what they say in Carlow – Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.”
(Stephen Twomey, offset printing press maintenance consultant)
“I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere about going to Hell or to Connacht, but I just can’t think of a tasteful way to formulate it.”
(Aisling Delaney, freelance embalmer)
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Our apologies. Just scroll down a bit, and you won’t have to look at it anymore.
In the wake of his police questioning with regard to the Jobstown water charge protests last November, Dublin South West TD Paul Murphy has spoken out strongly against what he perceives as a clear attempt by government to wipe the deludedly self-righteous grin off his face.
Sentence by sentence, today we take a look at Niall Harbison’s recent landmark essay, ‘Ireland 2015 – How We’ll Be Known As “The Burger Generation”.’
“This has been a huge week for burgers in Ireland.”
Lots of people have objectively odd thoughts pop in their heads on a regular basis. What most of them don’t do is actually type them out and publish them with non-fictional, non-humorous intent. But do go on.
Fine Gael TD for Mayo, Michelle Mulherin, has been quizzed recently about calls which she made to a mobile phone in Kenya at a cost to the Irish taxpayer of over €2000.
Mulherin has described the calls as “non-personal” by virtue of the fact that she has “no personal life”, but says she would be prepared to pay back the money if necessary. What do you think?
“Love See No Peak-Rate.”
(Jenny Kenny, Fortune Teller)
“Thing is, until the full story comes out, of course her partial explanations are going to seem lame, infuriating and entirely implausible. I mean, what if whoever it was she was calling turned out to have the inside track on a big bunch of cut-price gold or diamonds? We’ll just have to wait.”
(Devante Loughran, Careers Guidance Counsellor)
“Honestly, given the strong political and cultural ties that exist between Nairobi and Ballina, I think it’s a miracle she was able to keep it so low.”
(Dave Bond, right, Chairman of the Gorteen-Bangkok Chamber of Commerce)
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Fight! Fight! Irish teachers are apoplectic, but less so than some of their pupils.
A statement from the Teachers’ Union of Ireland released today indicates that a breakthrough may have been made in the dispute concerning proposed changes of grading procedure within the Irish education system.
Union representatives have said that a majority of their members would be happy to personally assess any student in their charge at Junior Certificate level, as long as the ones they were frightened of could be done by somebody else.
Christ, he could look a little happier.
Fine Gael’s Minister for Health, Leo Varadkar, has announced over the weekend that after a bit of a dry spell, his famously good Gaydar seems once more to be fully functional.
“It went away from me for a while, I suppose. But I’m glad I’m in a position to help again. Regardless of political affiliation, everyone usually agrees I have the best Gaydar in Leinster House”, he said.
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