An Focal Ar An tSráid

A report has shown that Mayo people are by far the most likely in the Republic to live to be a hundred years old or more, followed by their Roscommon and Sligo neighbours.

County Carlow finds itself at the other end of the scale, having boasted just one centenarian among its pension drawing population over the past 4 years. What do you think?



_44091071_pa_beard_weiser“Yeah, but we can probably expect those numbers to take a sharp drop as soon as Mayo get around to winning an All-Ireland.”

(Brendan Duggan, pet groomer)


don“You know what they say in Carlow – Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.”

(Stephen Twomey, offset printing press maintenance consultant)


sraid“I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere about going to Hell or to Connacht, but I just can’t think of a tasteful way to formulate it.”

(Aisling Delaney, freelance embalmer)




An Focal Ar An tSráid

Fine Gael TD for Mayo, Michelle Mulherin, has been quizzed recently about calls which she made to a mobile phone in Kenya at a cost to the Irish taxpayer of over €2000.

Mulherin has described the calls as “non-personal” by virtue of the fact that she has “no personal life”, but says she would be prepared to pay back the money if necessary. What do you think?


sraid“Love See No Peak-Rate.”

(Jenny Kenny, Fortune Teller)


don“Thing is, until the full story comes out, of course her partial explanations are going to seem lame, infuriating and entirely implausible. I mean, what if whoever it was she was calling turned out to have the inside track on a big bunch of cut-price gold or diamonds? We’ll just have to wait.”

(Devante Loughran, Careers Guidance Counsellor)


timmy“Honestly, given the strong political and cultural ties that exist between Nairobi and Ballina, I think it’s a miracle she was able to keep it so low.”

(Dave Bond, right, Chairman of the Gorteen-Bangkok Chamber of Commerce)




Politician Relieved Own Gaydar Working Properly Again.

lvChrist, he could look a little happier.

Fine Gael’s Minister for Health, Leo Varadkar, has announced over the weekend that after a bit of a dry spell, his famously good Gaydar seems once more to be fully functional.

“It went away from me for a while, I suppose. But I’m glad I’m in a position to help again. Regardless of political affiliation, everyone usually agrees I have the best Gaydar in Leinster House”, he said.

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Successful Prevention Of Over 14 Million Bad Screenplays Directly Attributable To Facebook, Say Experts.

artThe addictive qualities of Facebook have been likened to those associated with freebase cocaine, minus the attendant euphoria.

Over 200 million pieces of potentially self-involved, cringe-inducing free verse poetry, hundreds of thousands of thinly disguised autobiographies framed as rambling ‘novellas’, along with a high number of other examples of Bad Art have been murdered in their beds by the ingeniously distracting charms of popular social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat, it was reported this week.

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Carlow Man Mildly Worried To Learn That ‘Je Suis Charlie’ Can Also Mean ‘I Follow Charlie’.

tomClearly just Tom & Jerry

Carlow Town shop assistant Gavin Lynam has admitted having second thoughts about his new Facebook cover photo today after learning that ‘Je suis Charlie’, as well as meaning ‘I am Charlie’, can also mean ‘I follow Charlie’.

“I wouldn’t want random demented homicidal people coming to my house because they were angry about me following – in inverted commas – Charlie in any real sense”, he said.

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An Focal Ar An tSráid.

Nationwide, a total of over 600 people today found themselves on trolleys and in chairs awaiting admission to their local hospital, which tops the previous highest number of 569 set in 2011.

Dr. Tony O’Connell, who last May was made A&E Task Force Chairman, has tendered his resignation, while INMO General Secretary Liam Doran noted on Sunday that the Midland Regional Hospital in Mullingar was “in meltdown”. What do you think?

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